We guide healthcare professionals in a solution-focused approach so clients can embrace possibilities, opportunities, and a fresh vision for the future.
When we seek to discover the best in others, we somehow bring out the best in ourselves. ~ William Arthur Ward
We are both cat lovers! Cats have an innate way of setting and maintaining boundaries.
In our last blog we discussed the importance of setting boundaries when we are trying to move the locus of control from others to ourselves. As we shared, the “Let Them” theory by Mel Robbins, helps you break free from managing others’ expectations and reclaim your time, energy, and happiness. According to Robins, “When you “Let Them” do whatever it is that they want to do, it creates more control and emotional peace for you and a better relationship with the people in your life.”
We hope you’ve had a chance to practice setting some boundaries, or are considering areas of life where setting boundaries may be helpful. Have you found yourself saying, “Let Them” instead of jumping in to solve a problem or change someone’s mind? We hope you find the experience rewarding. After setting some boundaries, what’s next? This week we focus on maintaining the boundaries set.
Maintaining boundaries can be challenging for several reasons. Here are 7 common obstacles people face:
Guilt and people-pleasing tendencies: Feeling guilty about setting boundaries is the number one challenge, especially for those who have a strong desire to please others. This guilt can make it difficult to say “no” or to enforce limits. A common area we hear people living with diabetes mention is around food. For instance going to a family holiday gathering and feeling pressured to eat special foods that may or may not fit into the personal plan.
Fear of conflict or rejection: Many people are used to being the easy going one or the one who always says “yes”. There’s worry that changing this dynamic might upset others or damage relationships. Referring back to the example in #1.
Lack of clarity about personal needs: Sometimes, individuals are not entirely clear about their own needs and limits. This lack of self-awareness can make it difficult to “stick to” the boundaries they set. Sometimes going back to the beginning and re-evaluating can help.
Enabling behavior: Enabling behavior, where one person allows another to continue harmful or unhealthy actions, can undermine boundary-setting efforts. This often happens in relationships where one person feels responsible for the other’s well-being. Unfortunately continuing the behavior prevents growth and reinforces dependence. Another food related example (common theme here), a spouse or partner brings a food in the home that you’ve asked them not to because it’s hard to resist, yet they do it anyway.
Different situations require different boundaries: Boundaries are not one-size-fits-all. They need to be adapted to different situations and relationships, which can be confusing and challenging to manage. Boundaries at work will be different than at home. Different boundaries may be required for family members or partners who for instance take on monitoring roles and become overly involved with data and alerts from CGM.
Unhealthy beliefs: Limiting beliefs, such as thinking that setting boundaries will make you lose relationships or that you are not important enough to impose boundaries, can hinder your ability to maintain them. We all deserve to be respected and feel in control of our decisions.
Inconsistent enforcement: Inconsistency in enforcing boundaries can send mixed signals to others, making it harder for them to respect your limits. With practice you can make progress with consistency. If you find this is difficult, it may be time to re-think the current boundary, maybe it isn’t right for you.
When faced with a challenge to maintain your boundary, go back to the reason you set it in the first place. Review your goals for the boundary and prepare internal talking points. Do more of what works. We have found that the simple, yet impactful “Let them” can be a remarkable opportunity to shift your thinking in an instant. Maybe you need a little support, pull in your family or friends that you’ve identified when setting boundaries and have them ready to support you. Setting and maintaining boundaries is a process, with ups and downs, progress and setbacks and that’s okay. Understanding these challenges and identifying practical solutions can help you build more fulfilling relationships and stronger self-advocacy skills.
Let us know what you’ve found to help you maintain your boundaries. We’d love to share with others.
We welcome anyone interested in our approach to Subscribe to our blog and we’ll email you when a new post is published!
If you are a health care professional and interested in learning more about our solution-focused practice and approach, when you subscribe to our blog, we’ll send you in return a FREE resource of 10 Solution-Focused Questions to start a solution-focused discussion with your clients.
Follow us on LinkedIn or our blog @AFreshPOVforYou
Deb is employed by Dexcom, but her words and opinions in this blog are her own.
Tami is employed by the University of Kentucky HealthCare Barnstable Brown Diabetes Center, but her words and opinions in this blog are her own.
The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate. ~ Oprah Winfrey
If you’ve listened to the Let Them Theory. podcast or read the new book, you might be as intrigued as we are with this mindset hack.
Let Them Theory
In Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins, several science-backed strategies are provided to help break free from managing others’ expectations and reclaim time, energy, and happiness. According to Robins, “When you ‘let them’ do whatever it is that they want to do, it creates more control and emotional peace for you and a better relationship with the people in your life.” For instance, when someone leaves a negative comment online, “let them” and don’t engage in unproductive arguments. Or If someone judges your choice of food at a gathering, “let them” and don’t feel the need to explain or feel badly. When you verbally say to yourself, “let them” it is empowering and moves you to a new mindset. By doing this you let others be who they are, and you relinquish control over their actions and redirect focus to what is in your power.
There are several strategies incorporated into the Let Them theory that can help you be successful. One of the strategies that really resonated with us is setting boundaries. When you set boundaries you are clearly defining what is acceptable and what is not when you engage with others. You are then able to let others act as they choose, but ensure you are not being negatively impacted. By setting boundaries you protect your time and energy and focus on what truly matters to you. You will be empowered to focus on your own responses and let go of what you can’t control, ultimately leading to a more fulfilling and happier life.
Setting boundaries is essential for maintaining healthy relationships and ensuring your well-being. You can set boundaries with everyone from family and friends to co-workers, and even strangers. If this process is new to you, you may experience some feelings of guilt until you begin to realize the benefits. Remind yourself that you are changing your behavior so you can release control over others, protect your own energy, ensure self-respect and value for your own time and energy.
10 effective ways to set boundaries
Understand your needs: This actually is important before setting boundaries. Reflect on what you need to feel secure, respected and balanced; which parts of your life require boundaries; and what is essential..
Clearly define your limits: Identify what makes you feel safe and comfortable.. This helps you communicate your boundaries effectively to others.
Set boundaries early in your relationships or interactions. This sets clear expectations from the beginning and helps avoid misunderstandings.
Express boundaries clearly: Communicate your boundaries openly and assertively. Use “I” statements to express your needs and feelings without blaming others.
Learn to say “no” without feeling guilty. It’s important to prioritize your well-being and not overextend yourself.
Be consistent in upholding your boundaries. This reinforces their importance and helps others understand that you are serious about them.
Start small: If setting boundaries feels overwhelming, start with small, manageable ones.Gradually build up to more significant boundaries as you become more comfortable and confident.
Expect resistance and stay firm: Others may resist your boundaries, especially if they are used to you being more accommodating. Stay firm and remind yourself that setting boundaries is essential for your well-being
Get support: Seek support from friends, family, or a mental health professional if you find it challenging to set and maintain boundaries. They can provide guidance and encouragement.
Focus on positive outcomes of setting boundaries. Two positive outcomes may be improved relationships and increased personal well-being. Identifying these can help reinforce the importance of maintaining your boundaries
By incorporating these strategies, you can create and maintain healthy boundaries that protect your well-being and improve relationships. Try to establish a few boundaries this week and incorporate the “Let Them” philosophy when you are feeling the need to control the situation. Let us know about your experiences.
Join us next time when we discuss how to maintain boundaries once they’ve been established.
We welcome anyone interested in our approach to Subscribe to our blog and we’ll email you when a new post is published!
If you are a health care professional and interested in learning more about our solution-focused practice and approach, when you subscribe to our blog, we’ll send you in return a FREE resource of 10 Solution-Focused Questions to start a solution-focused discussion with your clients.
Follow us on LinkedIn or our blog @AFreshPOVforYou
Deb is employed by Dexcom, but her words and opinions in this blog are her own.
Tami is employed by the University of Kentucky HealthCare Barnstable Brown Diabetes Center, but her words and opinions in this blog are her own.
